he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
