Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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