my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
