I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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