We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
