Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
