Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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