Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize