My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm at about main and main street
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
