the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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