If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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