my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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