I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
