Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
