Sry I called you an 8
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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