the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
