when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
