Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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