I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she peed on how many people?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
