i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
