You smell like a Billy Joel song
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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