i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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