i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
