so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
