i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
