The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
