I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
