Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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