i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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