Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My dick has a subreddit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
