haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dignity is for republicans.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize