She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
