So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
