I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize