My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
