You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
