I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
