Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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