You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
