i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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