Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my being single is dangerous.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
