One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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