Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
