he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
