I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
