I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
