ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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