what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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