I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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