Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
