Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize