Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
