it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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