I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
