Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
