I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
