Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
