i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
