I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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