Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize