Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
