I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
