Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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