so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
