If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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