talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize