I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
