The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
