I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
