you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
