just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
