Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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