you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize