mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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