My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
