It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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