I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
