It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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