Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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