She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
