I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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