It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
