I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
