I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
