i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
