butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
