She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
