there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My pussy is not your playground.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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