I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
