The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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