I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
