I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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