I think my vagina is haunted
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
