So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
