Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if only i could text you this smell
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize