If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
